This is the first post of 2021, so I would like to wish you dear reader a Happy New Year. May 2021 be a year of progress and fruitfulness. One of the many sectors that were hugely impacted by last year’s pandemic outbreak was the wedding industry with many wedding dates pushed to the following year which would mean that 2021 is projected to have much more ceremonies than usual. On that note, I will be sharing some of my reflections on marriage.
This world has shown me how difficult it can be to sustain one. Studies on married couples show that there is an overall increase in divorce rates at a global level in the last few years.
Now I’m just wondering, how can two people make such a promise, give an oath, in front of friends, family and God, only to end up breaking it?
How can two people promise to be with each other through thick and thin, sickness and health, rich and poor, “till death do us part”, but still throw away all that completely and end up getting a divorce? I trust that people don’t get married with the intention of breaking their vows, but I also find these studies very interesting.
Please hear me out. This is not to accuse divorce people, because I am sure and fully aware of cases and legitimate reasons for divorce. This is me just studying other people’s lives and trying to maybe find a pattern or even find hope for us that are looking from the outside.
I heard this somewhere and it dawned on me. “Smart people learn from their own mistakes, wise people learn from the mistakes of others.” So the question is, do I want to be just smart or do I want to be wise. I definitely want to be wise, that’s why regarding marriage I do not want to close my eyes to the reality of things but I’d rather take notes of them. So as a guy even though I want to, it wouldn’t be wise of me to jump into something I may not know much about.
“Many are ready for the wedding, but few are ready for the marriage” was wisdom I heard years ago and still find to be true. I realized that without Christ I am not man enough to lead a woman into marriage and also hold the marriage together by my own strength. No way! I can’t truly love someone without actually knowing who Love is. Without knowing that Love died for me. The truth is there’s nobody that can properly define love, other than Christ himself. Having said that, for a better biblical context on a husband and a wife and to view things from a kingdom’s perspective, let’s turn to the Bible in Ephesians chapter 5.
As Christ-followers, husbands, and wives are called to “walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” and “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ“.
As the church submits to Christ, wives are also called to submit to their husbands (Eph 5:24) despite the world having a totally different perspective on the topic of submission compared to the Word’s perspective. The bible shows us how submission looks like within the triune God, with the Holy Spirit being sent by Christ Jesus and with Him, as the Son, submitting to God the Father’s will. It is a matter of roles and not of value and the same idea is to be understood in the context of marriage where both husband and wife are to be seen as equals in value and worth but different in their roles.
On the other hand, we see Paul encouraging husbands to love their wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25). This type of love is sacrificial with husbands giving their all as Christ did for us. What an example to follow! Thinking that by God’s grace, one day I’ll be called to give my own life (not necessarily literally but rather a total priority shift) for someone else just like Jesus did.
I have seen that a successful marriage is one that has this Christ-like love in it. I have been a witness to it through my own parents, friends, and people I know. I have seen the effects of marriage when they don’t and do have Christ.
So I know, when my time comes, God will bless me with a wonderful wife and I am sure about that because “he that finds a wife finds a good thing”. The question for me and anyone that wants to embark on such a journey is this: Will I be ready? Or rather, will you be ready?
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard was to keep oneself occupied with what He calls us to do. In other words to wait. Wait but not as “waiting” on a bench but rather waiting as a waiter. As a waiter of God ready to serve Him before any dating prospect even comes your way. These are just my thoughts and it should be a good conversation-starter for singles, engaged, married, divorced, etc.
Stay blessed,
Prince